We want to believe that love conquers all, but the reality is that money issues have turned more than one spouse into an ugly monster. Money issues are one of the top reasons why couples fight and get divorced. So what can you do to effectively manage your money and avoid breaking up your relationship?
Now when it comes to money and marriage, my wife and I get many questions from you, such as, “Dan how do you guys manage your finances? Do you make those decisions as a couple?”
You’ve also asked if you should have separate bank accounts. And if you aren’t married yet, how much should you disclose to your significant other?
All good questions if you want to celebrate many years together as a couple.
Today, my wife Jennie and I are going to share with you three money managing tips that can make your relationship stronger.
1. Share the Same Money Values
As a couple, you should have the same values and belief systems. One way to measure your values is with the money blueprint. You have one, and your partner has one. Chances are, they pick up their blueprint from their parents.
For example, my dad was middle class but at one point he had a lot of money because of an inheritance from my granddad. There was a period of time before that when I was just seven or eight years old that I felt very wealthy and abundant. My dad had a Mercedes back in the ‘80s, one of those that came with a cell phone.
Growing up, I had a maid to take care of everything. I had a lot of aunts and uncles who would give me red pocket money, called Lucky Money, at Chinese New Year so I always had a lot of cash. It meant I could get the toys I wanted so I didn’t need to beg my parents to get anything. I had wealth accumulating from the pocket money.
At a young age, I also knew how to make money. So because of all that, I had an abundance mentality. My money blueprint was that money was always plentiful.
If your partner was brought up with a different mindset, maybe because they were poor or they were always told to live frugally, then you could have some conflict.
Spender or Saver?
That’s a mismatch for the money blueprint – abundance and scarcity. Or spender and saver. You need to appreciate and share both points of view.
One may want to save, and the other wants to go on vacation. You need to find a balance between the two points of view. More importantly, you need to share the same values and goals of where you want to go.
The spender can show the saver the finer things in life, but assure the saver that you will not go into debt when you buy the things you want to buy.
You got to have a plan for the saver to know you can go on vacation. You can tell them you have enough money saved up, you have your investments and your financial future is secure. After that, you can spend money on extras.
Spend Stupid Money
We all have something we like to spend money on, called “stupid money.” For ladies it’s shoes, bags, or clothes. For guys it’s watches, phones, cameras, technology, toys or video games.
Know what your partner likes to spend stupid money on and give them a little bit of room to get satisfaction from it. The saver must allow the spender to spend their play money and do their thing. Golf, go on vacation, buy toys, get a stereo, get some games for example.
But the spender must also invest in their future as well. This security will satisfy the saver. This goes back to your value systems and beliefs.
2. Let the Money Multiplier Manage the Finances
Who is in charge of the money in the relationship? Does the man, the primary income earner, manage all the finances and his wife doesn’t touch a thing? Or if the primary income earner is the woman, does she take care of the finances and the man takes care of the kids and doesn’t touch the money?
Money is attracted to those who know how to multiply it. Within the household, it could be the wife, it could be the husband. Whoever is best at multiplying it.
The situation can be you are making the money but your spouse manages and invests it because your spouse is good with real estate and stocks and better at multiplying and managing it. You just focus on bringing in the money. That’s a good relationship.
On the other hand, your spouse may be very good at bringing in the money AND your spouse is very good at managing it. If that’s the case, your spouse should be in charge of the finances. It’s very simple.
If you are working as a unit, you want the unit to do better as a couple. You have to be good at recognizing your own weakness. Chances are, usually people who are very good at making money aren’t very good at keeping it.
Whoever is multiplying the money has to sell your vision and plan to your partner to get their trust 100 percent before you move forward.
3. Always Communicate With Your Partner
Always communicate with your partner. It’s a sign of respect. When you have communication you won’t have issues.
For example, the main income earner, the husband, loses a lot of money in a bad investment. The wife has no idea they are in debt until the husband tells her they are about to file for bankruptcy.
When he finally tells her the news, it becomes a huge shock to her. If she is a saver, she will want to know what the plans are for their future. But if she is a spender, she will suddenly need to change her habits.
If a couple loses money, good communication is key in the relationship. They discuss what they learned from the bad investment and how to move on from it.
If the couple makes money with increased income, or a successful business deal, they should celebrate the investment win or windfall together.
They take a percentage of the win and blow it on whatever they want to buy. The celebration is good for the relationship because celebration breeds success. Then the couple can plan how to keep the momentum and make more money.
Final Thoughts On 3 Money Managing Tips
I’ve mentioned before that a successful relationship is like a successful business. You need to understand each other and be clear on roles. Know whether your partner is a spender or a saver because it affects how he or she views money.
Decide who is the money maker and the money multiplier so that you have money coming in and money being invested. Most importantly, communicate with each other. And when one of your investments becomes a win, celebrate that moment together.
Who is the spender in your relationship? Who is the saver? Comment below.